About Ask Lorie

Lorie Ausel is a board certified counselor that has made herself available to answer some of the questions you have been dying to ask but may be too embarrassed or afraid to ask.

Now is your chance to ask your question and it just might help someone else who is feeling the same way. Click on the “Ask Lorie” button below and your question will be answered.

May 26, 2010
January 15, 2010
August 10, 2009
July 10, 2008
December 2, 2007
April 22, 2007

Question:

Hi Lorie, My husband and I are in our mid-thirties, we have been married for 10 years and have just birthed our 5th child who is now 2 months, our eldest is 7 1/2. We have known each other since high school and now are at a point in our life where our communications skills are obsolete. I feel we need new tools to learn to reconnect but he refuses to go to counseling, says we can't afford it, though I am positive that he would be fine if I went alone. This past fall I did go alone to a therapist for about 6 sessions and he went once, alone. We never made it there as a couple. I belive he felt as though he was being attacked and judged. How do I get him to try again? I feel as though if we don't do something about this soon with outside help we will never be happy again. He thinks we should be able to talk without help but has no suggestions on what we should do. Thanks for listening, Michelle

My Response:

Hi Michelle, Thanks for writting. A lot of couples have difficulty communicating. Remember we all grow up in different environments and learn different ways of showing love and expressing ourselves. So, help him see it in a positive light. Verbalize that your reationship is important to you. By learning his style of communicating and his love language and vice versa, would put both of you on the same page. If his excuse is that he feels judged or ganged up on by your therapist, have him find one that you can both go to for couples counseling. It is very important to have someone other than yourselves help you with better communication and understanding each others style. It is not something we learn growing up. So the saying "we only know as much as we have learned." That is why he can't come up with a solution. Good Luck Michelle...Let me know how it goes, Lorie Ausel M.Ed, MSW, LCSW